Rat leaves sinking ship - Rove

(AXcess News) Charleston, SC - The biggest rat of all has deserted the sinking ship. No, it's not the Vice President, pure evil usually takes the shape of a bat or a wolf, and the big horned goat is very popular in certain regions...but not a rat. Rats are dirty little creatures that carry disease and occasionally manage to lug about a world shaping pestilence like the Black Death that ravaged Europe in the 14th Century.

Karl Rove, the 'Turd Blossom', the 'Boy Genius', the rat behind George W. Bush's rise to the top - and in large part slide to the bottom - has quit. Karl Rove, the man who did the impossible and lowered the bar in political campaigns, the man who made running for office sleazier - and not just a little sleazier - has handed his resignation to his latest and greatest piece of clay, and now, despite Rove's best efforts, lamest duck.

Character assassination, innuendo, out and out lies, are Rovian trademarks, and like the rats that killed a third of England in 1349, he came close to killing America in 2004 - and it was close. Using his carpetbag of dirty tricks he did his best to put an end to the Democratic Party, so America, like the old Soviet Union and Germany in the 30's, would be a one party nation. He failed, but not to worry Karl, the Democrats seem to be carrying on your work just fine.

There is no depth to which Rove will not sink; whether stirring up homophobia, insinuating American P.O.W.'s were traitors, or outing C.I.A. agents, the bottom is never low enough for the man who thinks race-baiting is just another way to say, "vote for me."

Now the speculation begins. The party line at the White House is Karl Rove wants to spend more time with his family. The beltway wags will say the smoking gun has been found in his desk. (I'm sure both parties will use the same excuse for Alberto Gonzales if he ever steps down - or the Democrats find the sack to chase him out of office...okay, if he ever steps down.) Guys like Rove don't want to spend time with their families, rats don't really like other rats, and there are volumes of Norwegian rat research to prove it.

Of course, there'll be a big book contract wherein Rove can detail his crimes against decency - Ann Coulter has already paid for a copy - but can anyone see this guy sitting down to write his memoirs? Rove, like all rats, is an opportunist and the opportunities in the current administration are over. In fact, thanks to the spectacular failure of the Bush presidency, Rove may be all out of Bush's to push over the top.

So what's a rat to do?

One option is to find another half-witted Republican candidate - of which there is no shortage - and make him king. (It's always a 'him' with these folks.) But think about it, advising a flip-flopping former governor or helping yet another conservative actor to the White House pales when compared to the singular success of turning a drunken frat boy into the most powerful man on earth.

A guy like Rove always has a plan. Ever since he started stealing stationary as a teenager, he's had something else in mind. After all these years of being the kingmaker, I'll bet he'd like to try his hand at being King Rat. He's qualified, he knows the terrain, and he has most certainly made the right contacts.

No, it wouldn't surprise me at all if he hasn't already made a deal to manage the west side of Hell, and after he swiftboats Cheney, the whole Underworld will be his.